After finding a partner that made him feel safe and comfortable, Alex decided to pursue a green card through marriage. Over the course of the next several months, he navigated challenges with his attorney and learned the importance of a second opinion. Unsure of how he and his partner might be treated as a queer couple, Alex went into the interview feeling anxious, but was relieved when the officer proved to be polite and efficient. A few weeks after the interview, he officially became a legal permanent resident granting him some stability and the space to focus on his graduate school career.

Green Card

Themes in this story: Communicating with a partner about pursuing a green card, choosing an attorney, fear of discrimination, the green card interview, sense of stability after approval, advice for people starting the process

How did you approach the initial conversation about applying for a green card with your partner?

I was very transparent from the get-go about my immigration status, so I think that was helpful. It also helped to have a solid foundation where we were able to communicate well in general before we even talked about marriage or the future. I think figuring out the intention behind getting married is super important so that’s clear for both of you. In our case, me wanting to adjust status definitely sped things up a little but it doesn't mean that we wouldn't have gotten married anyway because it’s a choice we ultimately made out of love.

Do you have any advice about communicating with a partner about the process?

It’s not just that one conversation. You have to consistently communicate about how long the process is, what it entails, and what their role in it is so that everyone is aware. Talking about this stuff is very vulnerable. You're opening up about something extremely personal that you have dealt with your whole life; living as an undocumented or DACA-mented person.

Find someone that cares about learning more about what you care about. I think that was a big one for me, that my partner wanted to learn more about the issues I was facing and how they could support me through them. Those were all green flags that gave me the reassurance I needed. I realized, this person makes me feel safe and comfortable. That was a strong sign that I wanted us to be together.

Once you and your partner were both on board, how did you choose an attorney?

I found my attorney through a referral, but I wish I’d sought out other attorneys on my own as well just to compare. Sometimes it was hard to get a response on time or to communicate well with them. I feel like the process took a lot longer than it should have because of it. You're paying a lot of money for this so you want to make sure that you have someone that you are able to communicate with and trust. If you feel like you need a second opinion, don't just wait around. Immigration lawyers might have a lot of different cases, and you have to be the one pushing to get answers and see what's going on. I recommend asking friends about their experiences and looking for someone who really listens, communicates clearly, and has a transparent fee structure.

Once your paperwork was submitted, how did you feel in anticipation of the interview?

I remember feeling nervous for our interview—not knowing what kind of officer we’d get or whether we’d face any bias as a queer couple—but thankfully, the experience was respectful and I didn’t feel discriminated against.

Were you and your partner both in the room together for your interview?

Yeah, we were together. I think sometimes they separate people, but we were both in the room. Overall, it was pretty quick. We’d brought lots of pictures but the officer didn’t even look at them. He just kept looking at the form, made sure things were checked off–and then it was over.

What did it feel like when the process was finally complete?

It was such a relief, but also a little bit surreal. None of it felt like it had really happened until I got the physical card weeks later. Being undocumented, you learn that things are not real until they are. Whenever I applied for scholarships, it would seem like everything was good to go and then they’d say, Oh, just kidding, you need some sort of legal residence or U.S. citizenship. We can't give this scholarship to you after all.

Getting my green card gave me a sense of stability and allowed me to focus more on my graduate school studies without the constant fear of deportation. At the same time, I’ve found that the trauma of being undocumented hasn’t disappeared after receiving the card—there are still lingering fears, like worrying if something might jeopardize my status or being stopped by the police.

Any advice for others starting this process?

Don’t be afraid to look for different attorneys until you find one you’re comfortable with. I think it's good to seek a range of perspectives to see how different attorneys might deal with certain issues differently. When there were issues with my lawyer, I tried to seek out other opinions. I wanted to know why it was taking so long or if there was something else I could be doing. Luckily, I had some friends who were lawyers I was able to consult with. It's such an anxiety-inducing process, it can be hard to remember that you do have the right to check out your options. As immigrants, we often feel like we have to just take whatever we can get, but you deserve to work with someone you feel good about.

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I think figuring out the intention behind getting married is super important so that’s clear for both of you.

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I realized, this person makes me feel safe and comfortable. That was a strong sign that I wanted us to be together.

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I recommend asking friends about their experiences and looking for someone who really listens, communicates clearly, and has a transparent fee structure.

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Being undocumented, you learn that things are not real until they are.

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As immigrants, we often feel like we have to just take whatever we can get, but you deserve to work with someone you feel good about.

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